Sunday, April 1, 2012

Jesus is Present!

I'd like to share the experience of my first Eucharistic Adoration. Yesterday, we attended our RCIA retreat at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit. It was a beautiful campus, and we had such a lovely time. We have grown in our faith alongside with fellow catechumens and candidates who are on the same journey. It was very touching to spend that extended amount if time with them, as well as our very special sponsors. At the end of our retreat, we were given the opportunity to adore, and spend time with Our Lord in the monstrance. 

I feel compelled to share what I experienced while in the presence of Jesus during Adoration. After an intense morning with LOTS of [good] tears, followed by even stronger emotions during Adoration, I developed an extremely severe headache. It was one if those ones that causes you to have to lie down and go to sleep (if the pain will allow you to sleep!) in order for it to go away. It was absolutely horrible. I asked Jesus to make my pain go away. I begged. For a moment, I told myself, "If my headache doesn't go away, He isn't really present." I caught myself, and immediately felt guilty that I had 'tested' Our Lord, and lacked faith. I felt shameful. I asked Jesus to forgive me. My headache remained. 

My thoughts wandered to random things for ten minutes or so, when I suddenly realized the severe pain I felt had disappeared. It was as if I had forgotten that I had the headache, for a moment. Jesus took my pain away completely, and I had not even noticed right away! While Jesus gave me the gift of relieving me from my severe pain, I was not even paying attention. That's Jesus. He was telling that He is with me, and will always love and take care of me, despite my unworthiness. He gives us ALL that opportunity. The only requirement on our part, is that we are open to His love. 

I am committing myself. I commit myself to Jesus and His deep love. 

"God knows the plan He has for you, a plan to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Friday, March 18, 2011


My baby girl was born with a birth defect. Simple, incomplete syndactyly affecting her 2nd and 3rd toes on her left foot. I don't like the term "webbed toes", but that pretty much describes it, if you've never heard of the term syndactyly.

Her toes look pretty much like this:

And will look like this when she's an adult:

I have convinced myself, and in my heart, I *know* that this was caused by the Albuterol inhaler that I took at 11-12 weeks gestation Albuterol is a teratogenic drug, and has been linked to limb defects, and other birth defects. I was desperately sick at the time, and was worried about my inability to breath. I had visited our family physician, who prescribed the Albuterol. I got it filled, read the insert, and read about the birth defects, but told myself that the risk was relatively low, and that I needed it; I didn't want to suffer anymore.

This condition is strictly cosmetic, and should not affect her functionally at all. We are 99% certain that we will not be having this corrected. The surgery involves general anesthesia, as well as a skin graft. If Maura at some point asks us if she can have it done, we'll reconsider at that point in time. We had a difficult time coming to this decision, because it is said that the younger the person is when having corrective surgery, the easier the recovery and healing will be. It is recommended to have the surgery done before the 3rd year of life. Sometimes I question our decision, but Jason always convinces me that she doesn't need the corrective surgery.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm back!

I have avoided this blog for nearly a year and a half. I was actually going to remove everything and be done with it, but instead I made it private so that only I could read it. Reading over old blog posts has been a little emotional. I'm glad I didn't get rid of everything.

A lot has happened in the past several months that has brought out a lot of feelings from my past. I've been somewhat emotional lately. I suppose that is what brought me back here. Sometimes I tear up over the silliest things. Not all of it is negative emotion. I have also found what I call a "treasure" recently - the Catholic Church. I'll have to post about that soon :-)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

My Very Much Dreaded, but Necessary Update

After my status updates on MySpace and Facebook, most everyone knows a little bit about what's been going on in my life. I have received so much love, support, and some varied advice. It is so comforting to know that I have people that truly care about me and my happiness, after being hurt in such a large way.

I needed a small break to take the pressure and well-intended expectations off and to focus on figuring out what do and begin the journey.

I received a lot of advice to leave my husband and get a divorce. I know those who have suggested this only had my best interest in thought. However, no one will ever really understand what type of relationship Jason and I share. We are a part of each other in such a profound way. We've been through so very much together. He has been there for me in difficult times in my life, as I have been there for him in the like. Because of this, the pain is intensified whenever one of us does something that hurts the other. Dysfunctional? Irresponsible? Divorce warranted? Although some may think so, I think not. This is marriage. God put us on this path, our very own unique path. It is up to us to pass the tests and trials in life. Although I am aware that there are situations where a divorce may be necessary, I, for the most part, after searching deep within myself, have decided that I do not believe in divorce, except in some rare instances. Of course, you cannot control another person's actions and behavior, that is up to that individual. If I felt so strongly about divorce always being the resolution, I would have lost the respect that marriage rightfully deserves. Despite things that have happened in the past, I have the utmost respect for marriage, especially mine. That is why I would rather repair it as opposed to throw it away.

Jason and I are taking it day by day. My emotional state has been a wreck. It's difficult, but we're going to fight the challenge against all obstacles that come in our way. We are partners, and should be able to do this. One of my main complaints about Jason is his mood, meanness, and his overall attitude. Last Thursday, he went to the doctor's and got a prescription that seems to really be helping him. There's no way to tell right now if this is an answer, only with time, we will be able to know if this is part of the answer. More than likely, I think it will help enormously. After considering certain predispositions and exposures from before he was even outside of his mother's womb, and then what type of upbringing he had, it would make sense that there is in fact a chemical imbalance in his brain along with characteristics caused by nurture (or lack of in this case). I do feel bad for him, because he had nature and nurture going against him, which would ultimately determine his path in life. I hope my husband is strong enough to conquer all of this, as I have in my own life. I support him and I have faith that he can do this.

Our plan is to renew our marriage vows in 2012, after have been married for 10 years. This will allow time for healing and repair. We never had a "proper" wedding to begin with, so this will also give the opportunity to celebrate our marriage with family and close friends.

Please keep our family in your prayers.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Keks Baby and Lila

Last week, I bumped into a wonderful woman at the park. She makes shoes for babies! I absolutely love her work!

Here are pictures of Lila wearing her customized shoes and matching head band.

Check out HER SITE to order a pair for your little one or give them as a gift!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My One and Only Thumb Sucker

None of my children ever sucked their thumbs (at least not to my knowledge), until today.

Lila found her thumb! We'll see if she continues this...

Monday, May 4, 2009

My Early Teethers

So, that time has come that Lila has begun teething. It started nearly a month ago. Yeah, it's early - but it's pretty much the norm for our kids!

I think Jason carries a gene for early teeth. According to his mother, he got his first tooth at three months of age!

Lila is not the only one in the household to be erupting teeth! Although Ava has not yet lost any of her baby teeth, she is already growing her adult two front bottom teeth behind her baby teeth!

(Sorry about the picture quality, I had difficulty trying to take an up-close picture. The saliva didn't help either!)

I was so scared when I first discovered this! We were in the shower and I was brushing Ava's teeth and yelled to Jason to come and see what I found! I thought she had an extra set of teeth or something at first! I had him look it up online and by the time we finished showering, he was able to assure me that this is quite normal.

We have a dentist appointment scheduled for the 11th of this month. We'll see if these baby teeth will need to be pulled or not. I'll update this post.