Got Milk?

Most people that know me well, know that I get pretty obsessed when the topic of breastfeeding comes up. I've always been a lactivist, however the urge to promote tends to intensify when I have a baby; I become obsessed.

I came across this article and it had me thinking...

I am not the one to go out of my way to make a bottle-feeding mama feel bad, I hold the idea that in most cases, bottle-feeding is simply the stupid decision. That sounds harsh. Maybe I should use the word "ignorant" or "uninformed" as opposed to "stupid". I could blame it on the society we live in instead of the individual, but really I think it's a combination of the two.

I totally compare breastfeeding to not smoking (notice I didn't say I wanted to compare bottle-feeding to smoking) What are the pros for smoking? I can think of cons right away, but pros...? The only thing I can think of is that smoking is a stress reliever...? There are so many things in this world that you can do to relieve stress! (I've lived a stressful life and I don't smoke!) Cons - Smoking stinks! It makes you, your possessions, your home, and anyone who visits your home smell like a disgusting ashtray! (I know firsthand!) Smoking is bad for your health! Need I say more? Smoking costs lots of money! It's not only the actual cigarettes, but health care costs as well. Knowing how bad smoking is, the natural thing to do would be not to smoke, right? Well, when having a child, the natural choice would be not to bottle-feed, but instead give your child the better of the two options. Despite this obvious point, many still choose the inferior of the options, whether that be bottle-feeding or smoking.

With that being said, I am never the one to verbally (or in any other way) give a voice to someone personally who chooses the "bad choice" (in anything in life). I'm actually scared to say anything to these people out of fear that I may hurt them. I'm a people pleaser, certainly not a people hurter!

That's one side of the coin. What gets me the most is other people's reactions to my superior decision to give my child the best. When I had Ava, we were shopping at Sam's Club when she was just a few days old (I think 4 to be exact). She needed to eat, so I took her into the filthy bathroom stall to feed her. I vividly remember standing there, nursing her with my aching body (I had major abdominal surgery just days prior!). Why did I do this? I didn't want to offend anyone. Shame on me for putting myself out for other people and for something that was wondrous and need not be hidden! Nursing in public with both Ava and JJ, I usually covered with a blanket. I did not do this for my own comfort, but for outsider's comfort. Again, shame on me.

When I became pregnant with Lila, I held very different views about the outside world compared to when I had Ava and JJ. I was so naive the first two times around. I told myself that things would be better this time, not just with nursing, but many, many more parenting subjects. I need not listen to "professionals" or the outside world, but to God and myself and my family. Throughout this last pregnancy, I did what I felt was right, not what I was told was right - I did the right things, the right things for me anyway. I managed to slip through time without any major criticism. (Besides some co-workers who I can only assume had good intention). Now that the whole UP/UC is behind me, I thought I wouldn't have to worry about being hurt from insensitive comments. Was I wrong! I guess I wasn't thinking about how life would be after the baby was here. Of course my attachment parenting ideas wouldn't go away, they became stronger!

So many little things upset me. I try to remind myself that people aren't "out to get me", but their insincere and ignorant comments really make me think they are intentionally trying to cause bad feelings.

Yesterday we had a playdate with a little girl from Ava's kindergarten class. Everything was alright until Lila needed to nurse. I asked the mother of the little girl if she minded me doing it in front of her in her home, and she said no and seemed okay with it. Then, while I was still nursing she starts talking about how her friend whipped out her boob at a wedding and was "shoving it down her baby's throat" and that that was just wrong to do there. Also that that friend feeds the baby too much and the baby uses her as a pacifier. People need to realize that nursing babies don't want to nurse only because they're hungry, most often they just want their mother's comfort. It's a relationship, not just about food! Then, she said she knows someone who breastfed until the child was 2 yrs. old and that was "so disgusting". (I must add that the World Health Organization [WHO] recommends breastfeeding last 24 months! I'm sorry that we live in such a screwed up society here in the U.S. where EVERYTHING is done backwards!) Okay, okay, I could have dealt with just that, but then her husband walks in the door. She jumped up and ran into the other room. I had no idea what she was doing. She returned with a blanket that she used to cover my entire top half from my shoulders to my waist AND MY BABY! I took it off and politely said that I didn't need that, I was finished. It's my fault that I left there feeling so upset. I can never stand up for myself. I always go along with people and tell them what they want to hear just to get along. I've realized that this gets me nowhere. Sometimes I think people know even just a little that what they're saying/doing is offensive, but continue. (How could that woman not know what she was doing?!) Shame on them for knowingly doing that to someone else!

That's what I'm talking about. These types of things seem to happen to me often. I'm not sure why! I guess I sum it up to being that there are so many unhappy souls in this day and age, and because misery wants company, it's an attempt to suck me down with them.

I get so tired of hearing comments about how bad extended breastfeeding is. Really? Why? Why would someone think it's disgusting? Are breasts disgusting? Is a vitamin-rich, immunity-booster, sweet-tasting milk disgusting? Is a child eating or drinking disgusting? What's wrong with a two, three, or even four year old sharing something so special with their mother that will benefit them physically, emotionally, and intellectually? Why do people care so much? They don't have to do it, so why do they have the urge to bash people who do do it?

Then there are also those people who really do mean well, but really get on my nerves. While on a field trip to the public library with JJ's preschool class, I was sitting at a kiddy table nursing Lila and reading to JJ. I looked up and saw a mother staring from a few yards away. When she was able to catch my eye, she started pointing down and whispering something. I couldn't hear her. She kept doing that, but wouldn't come any closer. Confused, I thought she was asking if she could sit with us, so I said "Yeah, you can sit here!" She shook her head, then stepped a little closer and whispered "Your breast is showing a little bit." All that for nothing? Gee, thanks.

For the record, although Ava doesn't get it straight from the tap, she loves a cold glass of mommy milk! Yes, she'll be six in June. It's healthy for her and it makes her feel good knowing that it came from mommy and it's the same milk her little sister gets.

I hope if anything, I can inspire someone to make the best choice for their child, that being breast.

I leave you with a lovely picture of... You guessed it - Breastfeeding :)