Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I needed a small break to take the pressure and well-intended expectations off and to focus on figuring out what do and begin the journey.
I received a lot of advice to leave my husband and get a divorce. I know those who have suggested this only had my best interest in thought. However, no one will ever really understand what type of relationship Jason and I share. We are a part of each other in such a profound way. We've been through so very much together. He has been there for me in difficult times in my life, as I have been there for him in the like. Because of this, the pain is intensified whenever one of us does something that hurts the other. Dysfunctional? Irresponsible? Divorce warranted? Although some may think so, I think not. This is marriage. God put us on this path, our very own unique path. It is up to us to pass the tests and trials in life. Although I am aware that there are situations where a divorce may be necessary, I, for the most part, after searching deep within myself, have decided that I do not believe in divorce, except in some rare instances. Of course, you cannot control another person's actions and behavior, that is up to that individual. If I felt so strongly about divorce always being the resolution, I would have lost the respect that marriage rightfully deserves. Despite things that have happened in the past, I have the utmost respect for marriage, especially mine. That is why I would rather repair it as opposed to throw it away.
Jason and I are taking it day by day. My emotional state has been a wreck. It's difficult, but we're going to fight the challenge against all obstacles that come in our way. We are partners, and should be able to do this. One of my main complaints about Jason is his mood, meanness, and his overall attitude. Last Thursday, he went to the doctor's and got a prescription that seems to really be helping him. There's no way to tell right now if this is an answer, only with time, we will be able to know if this is part of the answer. More than likely, I think it will help enormously. After considering certain predispositions and exposures from before he was even outside of his mother's womb, and then what type of upbringing he had, it would make sense that there is in fact a chemical imbalance in his brain along with characteristics caused by nurture (or lack of in this case). I do feel bad for him, because he had nature and nurture going against him, which would ultimately determine his path in life. I hope my husband is strong enough to conquer all of this, as I have in my own life. I support him and I have faith that he can do this.
Our plan is to renew our marriage vows in 2012, after have been married for 10 years. This will allow time for healing and repair. We never had a "proper" wedding to begin with, so this will also give the opportunity to celebrate our marriage with family and close friends.
Please keep our family in your prayers.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Last week, I bumped into a wonderful woman at the park. She makes shoes for babies! I absolutely love her work!
Here are pictures of Lila wearing her customized shoes and matching head band.
Check out HER SITE to order a pair for your little one or give them as a gift!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
(Sorry about the picture quality, I had difficulty trying to take an up-close picture. The saliva didn't help either!)
I was so scared when I first discovered this! We were in the shower and I was brushing Ava's teeth and yelled to Jason to come and see what I found! I thought she had an extra set of teeth or something at first! I had him look it up online and by the time we finished showering, he was able to assure me that this is quite normal.
We have a dentist appointment scheduled for the 11th of this month. We'll see if these baby teeth will need to be pulled or not. I'll update this post.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
My “due date” of January 7th came and went. Having had my last baby at 38 weeks and 2 days, I really thought this one would have been born earlier. I guess babies come when they are good and ready!
We ended up moving to a new home on Saturday, January 17th. Boy was that fun! I suppose you could say my labor began the morning of Monday January 19, 2009. I had on and off contractions throughout the day that were somewhat painful. I was still unsure if this was “it” because they weren’t regular at all. I went to bed that night only to woken up throughout the night with mildly painful contractions. I continued to have irregular mild contractions throughout that Tuesday. I went on with my daily routine of taking the kids to school. As soon as I tried to go to bed around 9:30, they began getting a little more painful and regular. I knew it was time. I labored in the bath tub while Jason filled the birthing pool in the dining room. I remember him putting on the CD I borrowed from my mother. It excited me to know that he was preparing. After a while, I felt like I needed to get out of the bath tub. I found myself sitting on the toilet then walking into my room, then back to the toilet. I repeated this a few times. At one point, I thought I should try to sleep, so I lay down in my bed - that was a mistake! Talk about pain! I have no idea how I ever labored laying down with my two other babies! There would be no sleeping for me.
Around 12:00 midnight, maybe a little before, the pool was finally full! I got out of the bath tub (I had gotten back in) and went downstairs, rocked in the rocking chair for awhile. I then got into the pool.
Things went pretty fast from there. I started feeling the urge to push; actually, my body was pushing on its own. Jason kept telling me not to push because he knew that the slower the baby emerged, the less likely I would tear. I couldn't control it though. The head emerged. I remember looking up at the ceiling, the room seemed so large. I was screaming. Jason was telling me to stop and relax because he was afraid someone would call the police. After the head was out, I told him jokingly, that the police could come in, I could care less! With the next contraction, her body slid out of me.
Lila Rose Belcher was born into Daddy's hands on Wednesday, January 21st, 2009 at 1:30 AM. After he handed her back to me, we bonded and nursed. Jason woke the kids up and they came downstairs. Ava was so excited. JJ on the other hand, fell back asleep on the living room floor. Lila weighed in at 8 pounds 8 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long. I did not tear at all, not even a tiny knick! I thank the perineal stretching we did before hand and the water during the birth.
Lila was 5 minutes old in this picture.
After a half hour or so, we cut the cord and Daddy took Lila to get dressed. I got out of the tub, got a bowl (for the placenta) and headed upstairs. I didn't realize the placenta was going to not come out immediately! (Funny, I had a dream about this happening) I couldn't rest until it was out. I tried nursing more, but it still wasn't near. After an hour and a half, I took the "Placenta Out" that I had ordered from IHH. Within another hour and getting back into a hot bath tub, I was able to push the placenta out. It was larger than I had expected. I then was comfortable and relieved.
We nestled in bed together. My mother tucked us in. I fell asleep with a new person suckling at my breast.
If I could change anything about my birth, there would have been a few things:
1. I would have made sure to have gotten more rest. I was falling asleep between contractions. Everytime one started up again, I cried, not out of pain, but because I didn't want to wake up! Near the very tail end I cried and told Jason I wanted to go to the hospital and I wanted general anesthesia because I just wanted to be asleep. Had I been not tired, I would have been better able to embrace each contraction.
2. I would have told Jason YES, do get the video camera. When he asked me, I was being grumpy and said no that I wasn't worried about that right now.
3. After the birth, I would've tried harder to be warm and comfortable. I think the placenta took a little longer because I got cold.
4. I would've done something with the placenta sooner! I feel as though I wasted it! I wanted to make a smoothie or something with it, but it just never happened. It sat in the fridge until 2 weeks, and then I realized I either had to throw it out or freeze it. It now sits in my freezer. I guess I'll plant it under a tree in the backyard. (If your confused about what I'm talking about click HERE.)
Overall, it was an amazingly wonderful birth. I am ever so grateful to God and my husband, for without them I may not have been able to have such an empowering experience.